Klarinet Archive - Posting 000662.txt from 1999/03

From: Ken Wolman <Ken.Wolman@-----.com>
Subj: Re: [kl] WATCH THE DECIBELS!
Date: Thu, 11 Mar 1999 21:20:42 -0500

Lelia wrote:

> At least the Fort Lupton scofflaws only have to serve Judge Sacco's sentences
> one night a month. Wonder what kinds of Muzak a devilish DJ pipes into all
> the rooms in Musical Hell? The Muzak runs 24 hrs. a day, of course, and
> there's no way to turn it off. There are no ear plugs in Hell.
>
> Clarinetists' Hell: random squeaks, chirps, honks and grunts

Oh, any single-reed player. I think I've said I used to work in a place
where they piped Kenny G into the cafeteria during the afternoon hours.
I mean, the man's technique IS awesome, but he played so pretty...and
prettier...and prettiest. In my dreams, Kenny G will come one day to
his eternal reward and encounter John Coltrane, waiting for him wearing
his baddest grin and brandishing his favorite soprano horn. "Hey, Kenny
my man, been waitin' a long time for ya. Meet my buddies Miles, Prez,
and Bird. Wanna sit in?" Oh my God, they've killed Kenny; and indeed,
these are a few of my favorite things....

> Serialist Composers' Hell: nothing but Tchaikovsky and Johann Strauss

Romantic Music Hell: Philip GlassGlassGlassGlassGlass, etc.

> Nazi Composers' Hell: "The Music Survives" (London 452 664-2) on continuous
> loop

Two years I heard a story from a rabbi in Baltimore about how Hans
Pfitzner, composer of "Palestrina" and other toe-tapping classics,
marched into the offices of one of the Nazi inner circle--I'll guess
Josef Goebbels--DEMANDING a State pension as a reward for his musical
services to the Reich. I suppose Pfitzner saw himself as the Nazi
answer to George M. Cohan or Irving Berlin(!). The official reportedly
looked Pfitzner up and down and said "Reward? How about a one-way
ticket to Treblinka?" At which point Pfitzner departed with some
haste....

Ken
--
Ken Wolman dbtrader Deutsche Bank, N.A.
1251 Sixth Avenue New York, NY 10019 212-469-6494

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