Klarinet Archive - Posting 000659.txt from 1999/03

From: "Dan Leeson: LEESON@-----.edu>
Subj: RE: [kl] WATCH THE DECIBELS!
Date: Thu, 11 Mar 1999 21:20:39 -0500

> From: MX%"klarinet@-----.22
> Subj: [kl] WATCH THE DECIBELS!

> Avrahm Galper wrote,
> >People in Fort Lupton, Colorado who play their stereos too loudly are being
> sentenced by Judge Paul Sacco to listen to sounds they don't like. The
> scofflaws, mostly teenagers, gather once a month on a weekend night to hear
> court-sentenced music. Teenagers must endure Wayne Newton, Dean Martin,
> Navaho flute music, bagpipes and John Denver songs. On one occasion they had
> to sit through one of Judge Sacco's own jazz composition "I'm sleeping in my
> Car".>
>
> LOL! Makes me imagine *why* a judge might have to sleep in his car. Does his
> family make his clarinet or trumpet or whatever it is sleep out there with
> him?
>
> At least the Fort Lupton scofflaws only have to serve Judge Sacco's sentences
> one night a month. Wonder what kinds of Muzak a devilish DJ pipes into all
> the rooms in Musical Hell? The Muzak runs 24 hrs. a day, of course, and
> there's no way to turn it off. There are no ear plugs in Hell.
>
> Clarinetists' Hell: random squeaks, chirps, honks and grunts
>
> Serialist Composers' Hell: nothing but Tchaikovsky and Johann Strauss
>
> Nazi Composers' Hell: "The Music Survives" (London 452 664-2) on continuous
> loop
>
> Organists' Hell: Bach's Passacaglia and Fugue in C Minor, on an electro-
> pneumatic organ with four manuals and full pedal board, but only one stop on
> each: Settima 1-1/7' on the Great, Nasardo 2-2/3' on the Positive, Flageoletta
> 2' on the Swell, Unda Maris on the Choir and Sopra-Ottava 4' on the Pedal.
> Plus Tremolante, of course.
>
> Very Special Room in Hell for Drummers: Absolute silence. Thanks to the
> Soundproofing from Hell, they can't even hear themselves belch.
>
> Lelia

To add to Lelia's excellent list:

Singer's hell: a recital by Florence Foster Jenkins, a wealthy NY
woman who used to rent Carnegie Hall and give vocal recitals some
of which were recorded simply to demonstrate her monstrous
incompetence. Her favorite was the Queen of the Night aria from
Magic Flute, and I would agree to anything not to have to be
sentenced to listen to it.

>
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=======================================
Dan Leeson, Los Altos, California
leeson@-----.edu
=======================================

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