Klarinet Archive - Posting 000958.txt from 1999/02

From: LeliaLoban@-----.com
Subj: [kl]Contest Results
Date: Thu, 25 Feb 1999 19:47:51 -0500

Tristan Carpenter wrote,
>Well, I came back from Solo & Ensemble Contest; walked away with a superior
rating for my performance of the Poulenc "Sonata for Clarinet and Piano" and
a superior for "The Children's Prayer" for Sax quartet from Hansel and
Gretel. Unfortunately, my clarinet trio; on Beethoven's Allegro from the
Wind Opus No.87; crashed and burned during a "page turn" and we were
relegated to a rating of average... which I found acceptable for an ensemble
that had played together a total of three times!:) >

Congratulations! I'm impressed!

Your adventure in page-turning reminds me of a story that circulated among a
group of avid amateur musicians in Atlanta in 1974. I repeat it with the
caveat that it may be a myth. I noticed that nobody claimed to have witnessed
these events. They'd always happened to "a friend of a friend's kid," etc.;
and they happened at "a big, regional high school music competition" in Texas
or New York, take your pick. That's about as specific as the "hook on the
door" lover's lane story, so I won't vouch for this yarn, but here it is:

Apparently at this annual competition, judged in a civic auditorium front of
an audience of mostly other competitors and their families, the jury would sit
at a long table facing a raised stage. On the table in front of the chief
judge sat a large, reel-to-reel tape recorder hooked up to a massive set of
stereo speakers in front of the stage. When a kid or an ensemble butchered a
performance (I don't mean played a wrong note or two; I mean really fell apart
and oinked it), the judges would look up and down the table at each other and
exchange meaningful glances. Slowly their heads would start to do the
dashboard dog nod, up and down, up and down, faster and faster, until the nods
reached a crescendo of unanimity: Do it, do it, do it. The head judge's long,
pointing finger would slowly extend. The audience, knowing what was coming,
would begin to rustle and titter. The finger would stab a button on the tape
recorder, which blasted forth, at a volume sufficient to drown out the hapless
performer, frantic blasts of a steam whistle, segue to the jangling cacophony
of a train wreck, recorded from a movie soundtrack.

At this point, different versions of the story split off. One version hath it
that kids singled out for The Train Wreck Award would slink off the stage in
tears of disgrace and humiliation. There were suicide attempts, etc.. I
don't find that story credible, because I don't think parents in any school
system in the USA would put up with that sort of judging more than once,
whereas The Train Wreck Award was said to be an annual event, much
anticipated.

The other version, which I almost believe, hath it that The Train Wreck Award
was not a disgrace, but a much sought-after prize, a bit of levity to relieve
the nervous tension of competition, with the judges' connivance. The kids did
compete for real, on their own instruments, with music carefully prepared.
When a student obviously made an honest effort, the judges treated the
proceedings with respect. However, they looked the other way when a few kids
would put in extra entries under obviously fake names, often with instruments
not their own. A clarinetist (wearing a silly hat or some other signal to the
audience and judges that no civility was required) would come out blasting on
a friend's trombone, etc. Ensembles played literally not all on the same
page: one kid would play from a Beethoven score, while another played Joplin,
another played Schumann and someone else played Schoenberg. Evidently some of
the entrants weren't even musicians, particularly in the ensemble categories,
where drama students would enter as a quartet or whatever, go out there and,
with ferocious scowls and grimaces of concentration, pantomime the playing of
absolutely nothing, claiming it was something by John Cage. The audience
would greet each awarding of a Train Wreck with much hilarity and a thundering
chorus of boos and jeers. The judges even chose a Grand Prize Winner in this
category and handed out a toy train engine at the awards ceremony. But alas,
according to lore, the event fell victim to its own success. Eventually this
school district banned The Train Wreck Award as too much of a distraction for
the kids who competed seriously.

Has anyone else heard The Train Wreck Award story? Can anyone authenticate
it?

Lelia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Laugh while you can, monkey-boy."
--Doctor Lizardo ("The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai")
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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