Klarinet Archive - Posting 001128.txt from 1999/01

From: "Buckman, Nancy" <nebuckman@-----.us>
Subj: RE: [kl] Everything we learned was wrong
Date: Wed, 20 Jan 1999 22:52:37 -0500

Terry,

These are old, but maybe you haven't seen them. Take a look.

Nancy

> ----------
> From: TOM RIDENOUR[SMTP:klarinet@-----.net]
> Reply To: klarinet@-----.org
> Sent: 21. tammikuuta 1999 23:09
> To: klarinet@-----.org
> Subject: [kl] Everything we learned was wrong
>
> I think after most of us review the following material we will be upset
> enough to demand either a rebate or full refund from our respective music
> schools, since the evidence with follows clearly shows everything they
> taught us was wrong.
>
> >>>> >These are stories and test questions accumulated by music
> >>>> >teachers in the state of Missouri...
> >>>> >Source: Missouri School Music Newsletter, collected by Harold Dunn.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the
> >>>> >part you better not try to sing.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was
> rather
> >>>> large.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
> >>>wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
> was
> >>>calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in
> 1827 and
> >>>later died from this.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever heard
> of.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary composers. It
> >>>is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they
> are
> dead.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >An opera is a song of bigly size.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one he
> >>>really loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all live
> happily
> >>>ever after.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any
> passing
> >>>> >eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >I know what a sextet is but I had rather not say.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice
> >>>> >and said he would go a long way. And so he came to America.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps
> >>>> >on the odium.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Morris dancing is a country survival from times when
> >>>> >people were happy.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one
> >>>> >between the Hatfields and McCoys.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >My favorite composer is Opus.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >A harp is a nude piano.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >A tuba is much larger than its name.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and orchestras.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >You should always say celli when you mean there are two or more
> >>>cellos.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Another name for kettle drums is timpani. But I think I will
> >>>> >just stick with the first name and learn it good.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.
> >>>> >
>
> >>>> >The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and
> >>>> >bass fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >When electric currents go through them, guitars start
> >>>> >making sounds. So would anybody.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Question: What are kettle drums called? Answer: Kettle drums.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS!
> >>>> >
> >>>> >A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart.
> >>>> >I both found out and got in trouble.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument?
> >>>> >Answer: Yes.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the person who sits in
> >>>> >the first chair of the first violins. This means that when a
> >>>> >person is elected concertmaster, he
> >>>> >has to hurry up and learn how to play a violin real good.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every
> >>>> >line of flute music. You just watch.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >I can't reach the brakes on this piano!
> >>>> >
> >>>> >The main trouble with a French horn is it's too tangled up.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time
> >>>> >gets to be the conductor.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word for many player-types.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >The flute is a skinny-high shape-sounded instrument.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only more so.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Tubas are a bit too much.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Music instrument has a plural known as orchestra.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >I would like for you to teach me to play the cello. Would tomorrow
> >>>> >or Friday be best?
> >>>> >
> >>>> >My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play people
> >>>> >seldom play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip
> >>>> >the neck and shake him in rhythm.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to
> >>>> >make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed.
>
>
>
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