Klarinet Archive - Posting 000502.txt from 1998/11

From: Bill Hausmann <bhausman@-----.com>
Subj: [kl] Fwd: Haaavard Dictionary of Music
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1998 22:26:20 -0500

>>From the "outtakes" of the latest edition of the Harvard Dictionary of
>Music:
>
>
> ACCIDENTALS: the wrong notes.
>
> AUDITION: the act of putting oneself under extreme duress to
> satisfy the sadistic intentions of someone who has
> already made up his mind.
>
> ACCELERANDO: what happens when drummers have to keep a steady beat
>
> CONDUCTOR: an ignorable figure capable of following numerous
> individuals at once.
>
> CUT TIME: the sudden realization that everyone else is playing
> twice as fast as you are.
>
> CRESCENDO: a reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly.
>
> CYMBALS: percussion instruments to be dropped while the band plays
> pianissimo
>
> FERMATA: a chance for the conductor to catch his breath while
> attempting to make his wind players pass out.
>
> GLISSANDO: the way string players play difficult runs
>
> KEY CHANGE: a change in the main pitch or "tonal center" which takes
> full effect three to five bars after it is noted in the music.
>
> PAGE TURN: a good way to avoid playing the hard parts
>
> PRACTICE: Don't worry about it. Musicians never do it anyway.
>
> RALLENTANDO: what never seems to happen during the technical passages
>
> RITARD: the idiot behind the stick
>
> TEMPO CHANGE: signal for the musicians to ignore the conductor.
>
> UNISON: See "minor second"
>
> VIBRATO: a way for musicians to hide the fact that they are on the
> wrong pitch

Bill Hausmann bhausman@-----.com
451 Old Orchard Drive http://www.concentric.net/~bhausman
Essexville, MI 48732 http://members.wbs.net/homepages/z/o/o/zoot14.html
ICQ UIN 4862265

If you have to mic a saxophone, the rest of the band is too loud.

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