Klarinet Archive - Posting 000894.txt from 1998/10

From: LeliaLoban@-----.com
Subj: [kl] Re: consumer guide for clarinets (was kl Signature clarinet)
Date: Tue, 20 Oct 1998 17:07:47 -0400

I wrote:
>"Collectibles" dealers who stock a wide array of merch don't have the
>time do the type of research we do. To turn clarinets into the latest
>Beanie Babies (gag...) ...

Tim Roberts wrote:
>>A clarinet Beanie Baby. What a concept. I can already imagine the name,
and
>>the insipid little verse Ty would put on the label:

>> Licorice

>> Born October 19, 1998

>> This little black stick
>> Knows where his home is at
>> Keep him supplied with reeds
>> And he'll never leave you flat!

LOL!! But seriously, consider the advantages of little Licorice. Besides
being cuuuuuuuute (urp), he'd:

* never play out of tune
* never crack
* never need the latest mouthpiece or ligature
* never need to have his reed changed
* ... and therefore never involve his SO in arguments over which reeds are
best
* never squeak
* never grunt
* never annoy the neighbors

And as for the possible embarrassment of showing up for an audition with a
soft clarinet, WELL! If some conductor can't hear such wonderful music that
beguiles the ears of the truly sensitive, then obviously the old stoat is
going deaf; and if certain people have never heard of the latest trend in
clarinets, then they deserve their ignorance. Some people just can't be
pleased. If necessary, those of us in the know will band together and form
our own Beanie Baby windbag, oops, I mean *wind* ensembles, where we will
tootle away for many happy hours and then congratulate each other on our
infinite wisdom and superiority.

But in the meantime, while I'm waiting for the Beanie Baby clarinet, I've got
my 8" miniature clarinet candlestick, which has all the advantages of Licorice
PLUS I can put a candle in it and light it up and watch it tremble and totter
every time somebody walks up the stairs! Just the thing for setting the house
on fire to relieve the boredom of another long and fruitless practice session.

Lelia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You can't get high aesthetic tastes like trousers, ready made."
__W. S. Gilbert, _Patience_
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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