Klarinet Archive - Posting 000156.txt from 1998/07

From: "Benjamin A. Maas" <bmaas@-----.net>
Subj: [kl] Unfinished Symphony
Date: Tue, 7 Jul 1998 11:48:05 -0400

I got this off of a humor list serv this morning.... I thought everybody
here might enjoy....

Benjamin Maas
Clarinetist and Digital Recording Engineer
Student, University of Southern California
Executive Director, Digital Renaissance Consort
bmaas@-----.net
bmaas@-----.edu

>
> A managed care company president was given a ticket for a performance
> of Schubert's "Unfinished Symphony." Since he was unable to go, he
> passed the invitation to one of his managed care reviewers. The next
> morning, the president asked the reviewer how he had enjoyed it, and
> he was handed a memorandum, which read as follows:
>
> MEMORANDUM
>
> 1. For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do.
> Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole
> orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.
>
> 2. All twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems
> unnecessary duplication, and the staff in this section should be
> drastically cut. If a large volume of sound is required, this could
> be obtained through use of an amplifier.
>
> 3. Much effort was involved in playing the 16th notes. This seems an
> excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes should be
> rounded up to the nearest 8th note. If this were done, it would be
> possible to use paraprofessionals instead of experienced musicians.
>
> 4. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage
> that has already been handled by the strings. If all such redundant
> passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours
> to twenty minutes.
>
> 5. This symphony has two movements. If Schubert did not achieve his
> musical goals by the end of the first movement, then he should have
> stopped there. The second movement is unnecessary and should be cut.
>
> In light of the above, one can only conclude that had Schubert given
> attention to these matters, his symphony would probably have been
> finished by now.
>
>
> Submitted by: Robin Sue Rhea @-----.com
>
> |//
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