Klarinet Archive - Posting 001727.txt from 1998/04

From: Shouryu Nohe <jnohe@-----.edu>
Subj: [kl] Music jokes
Date: Thu, 30 Apr 1998 07:38:48 -0400

Alright...here we go...

So, John Coltrane, Sammy Nestico, and Kenny G were all travelling together
in the desert, when their Range Rover (Kenny G makes sick amounts of
money, you know) suddenly blew a flat. Wondering what on earth could have
caused a flat, Kenny hops into the sand and marches around to the back to
see what the deal was.
Coltrane turns to Nestico for a moment as Kenny is outside. "Now,
didn't this guy say he played Jazz?"
"Not from what I've heard," mumbles back Sammy.
Outside, Kenny is somewhat amazed. What has caused the flat was a
nine inch blade - a machete! To his surprise, over the dunes came a hoard
of Bedoin nomads, yelling in some Arabic language. In a seconds, all
three of the musicians (well...two and a half) are overwhelmed, bound, and
taken to the camp of the nomads. Although none of the saxists can
understand what the nomads are saying, their meaning is clear when they
are marched past a gillotine to the prison.
After the three are tossed into the prison, the commander, or what
seemed to be a high ranking person among the nomads, visited them. In
thickly accented English, he told them that tomorrow, each of them were to
be sacrificed to appease their god.
Night falls, and the three prisoners are unable to sleep in their
cells, only thinking about tomorrow...
John is eventually able to calm himself by singing 'Round Midnight
and Spiritual to himself.
Sammy thinks of Switch in Time and Persuasion to appease is
anxiousness.
Kenny G can't think of any good music, other than the theme to the
Meow Mix commercial.
The sun rises, and the commander retrieves John Coltrane from the
prison first. He leads him to the gillotine and prepares for the blood
that will appease his god.
Back in the cell, Kenny and Sammy can only wait, hoping that John
does not scream, and if he does, that they won't hear it.
The commander gives the signal, and the blade is
released...falling...falling...and stops about six inches from Coltrane's
neck. Everyone is astounded. Coltrane is speechless. The commander
looks up to the heavens for a moment, then shouts orders to the other
nomads, who rush towards John.
"It is the Hand of Providence," states the commander in English.
"You are released."
John books for the hills.
The commander now retrieves Nestico from the prison and repeats
the process...the blade is dropped...falling...falling...and stops six
inches from a frightened Sammy's neck. Sammy screams in joy.
Kenny thinks...oh my god...they killed him...
"It is the Hand of Providence," declares the nomad. "You are
released."
Sammy high tails it.
Kenny G is finally marched from the prison to the gillotine, and
as he is being prepared, he is thinking...don't cut my hair, don't cut my
hair...
The commander prepares to give the signal. The blade is raised
high. Kenny is on the verge of tears - he opens his eyes and looks up at
the blade and screams, "Wait!"
The commander waits, curious.
Kenny points to a spot several inches up the gillotine. "Hey,
there's a piece of wood sticking out here..."

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" - Stan from South Park

Shouryu Nohe
Professor of SCSM102, New Mexico State Univ.
http://web.nmsu.edu/~jnohe; ICQ 6771552
Coffee Drinker, Musician, Otaku, Jesus Freak, Admirer of Women
(Not necessarily in that order)
--------------------------------------------------------------
"Um, why don't you cover up?" - Katsuragi Misato

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