Klarinet Archive - Posting 000267.txt from 1997/11

From: pmedina@-----.net
Subj: Musical bloopers
Date: Thu, 6 Nov 1997 19:17:53 -0500

Hope ya'll enjoy these!!
>>>>These are (supposedly) real answer from students' music finals:
>>>>
>>>>In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Neda, who is the one he really
>>>>loves. Pretty soon, Silvio gets stabbed also and they all live happily ever
>>>>after.
>>>>
>>>>Caruso was the first Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said he
>>>>would go a long way. And so he came to America.
>>>>
>>>>Stradivarius sold his violins on the open market with no strings attached.
>>>>
>>>>The principle singer of 19th-century opera was called pre-Madonna.
>>>>
>>>>At one time singers had to use musicians to accompany them. Since
>>>>synthesizers came along, singers can now play with themselves.
>>>>
>>>>All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they
>>>>sounded like because there are no known descendants.
>>>>
>>>>Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the
>>>>Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky's Cracknutter Suite, and
>>>>Gershwin's Rap City in Blue. In defining musical terms, they also
>>>>demonstrate that they know their brass from their oboe.
>>>>
>>>>Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing
>>>>without music it is called Acapulco.
>>>>
>>>>A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
>>>>
>>>>Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
>>>>
>>>>Diatonic is a low calorie Schweppes.
>>>>
>>>>Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the
>>>>McCoys.
>>>>
>>>>A harp is a nude piano.
>>>>
>>>>An oboe is an American tramp (written by a British student).
>>>>
>>>>A Stradivarius is a prehistoric animal.
>>>>
>>>>My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play people seldom
>>>>play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.
>>>>
>>>>The main trouble with a French horn is that it is too tangled up.
>>>>
>>>>An interval in music is the distance from one piano to the next.
>>>>
>>>>The correct way to find the key to a piece of music is to use a pitchfork.
>>>>
>>>>Agitato is a state of mind when one's finger slips in the middle of playing
>>>>a piece.
>>>>
>>>>Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you'd better not
>>>>try to sing.
>>>>
>>>>Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.
>>>>
>>>>My favorite composer was Opus. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for
>>>>her church music.
>>>>
>>>>Henry Purcell was a well-know composer few people have ever heard of.
>>>>
>>>>Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
>>>>large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which
>>>>he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
>>>>
>>>>Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
>>>>
>>>>Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
>>>>
>>>>Beethoven wrote three symphonies the Third, the Fifth, and the Ninth. He
>>>>wrote music even though he was deaf. Beethoven was so deaf he wrote loud
>>>>music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him.
>>>>I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died
>>>>for this. Do you know that if Beethoven were alive today, he would be
>>>>celebrating the 165th anniversary of his death?
>>>>
>>>>Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti.
>>>>
>>>>Aaron Copland is one of our most famous contemporary composers. It is
>>>>unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead.
>>>
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