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Klarinet Archive - Posting 000038.txt from 1997/08

From: "C Henderson" <chenderson@-----.au>
Subj: float test
Date: Sat, 2 Aug 1997 20:03:35 -0400

Scott wrote:
> First of all, I have been chuckling at the absurdity of listeni=
ng
> to lay-people discussing technical matters that should be left only to
> qualified professionals. As a scientist, I can assure you that the PRO=
PER
> way to determine the exact make-up of an instrument is as follows:

I can't believe that even Scott the scientist can go so wrong over such =
a simple question. Now you've completely vaporised what might well have =
once been a very fine instrument when the testing process is actually qui=
te straightforward. First of all, back in the oiling process, you should=
have used a decent vegetable oil, such as sesame or olive, which is repu=
ted to have medicinal effects. Then, after the dusting with cornstarch =
(though I personally prefer stoneground wholewheat), the instrument shoul=
d then be sprinkled with nutmeg or paprika, according to taste, or if you=
can ascertain the nationality of the instrument, by all means use a herb=
or spice from that cuisine. Place on a greased oven dish, and bake in =
a hot oven for twenty minutes, basting frequently with the pan juices. =
Now your solution is at hand. If the clarinet is wood, it will be crisp=
y like honeycomb. If, on the other hand, it is plastic, it will melt del=
iciously in the mouth like a toasted cheese sandwich. Some imprudent mus=
icians have been known to scoff down the whole thing, but I advise merely=
nibbling around the bell.

Clare Henderson
(with help from my sister - but she's only a dancer, what would she know?=
)
<chenderson@-----.au>