Klarinet Archive - Posting 000128.txt from 1997/07

From: Roger Garrett <rgarrett@-----.edu>
Subj: Re: Basset horn ;)
Date: Sat, 5 Jul 1997 21:31:48 -0400

well, I don't think the dictionary, published in 1980, is as old as the
anatomy book.....and the history book.......hmmmmm....will have to think
that one through!

RG

On Fri, 4 Jul 1997, Dan Leeson: LEESON@-----.edu wrote:

> > From: MX%"klarinet@-----.12
> > Subj: Re: Basset horn ;)
>
> > I have a music dictionary that states that the basset horn was named after
> > the basset hound ........not that a music dictionary is an absolutely
> > accurate source.....but wanted to spice up the conversation!
> >
> > RG
>
> And I have a book on music history that says that the basset horn
> was called that because it was invented by a man named "Horn."
> No kidding. So what?
>
> I also have an anatomy book published in 1627 that says that man's
> hip bone is flared like that of an ox. The author of the book
> had never been permitted to do an autopsy on a human so he did one
> on an ox and made a conclusion.
>
> And to reduce this to an absurdity, a document that we all love and
> cherish, and which is the foundation of our consititional government
> says explicitly that African Americans are only 3/5 of a human being.
>
> We live. We learn.
>
> >
> > On Fri, 4 Jul 1997, Dan Leeson: LEESON@-----.edu wrote:
> >
> > > Deadly serious question: all the references to basset hounds are
> > > being done with tongue in cheek, but is there any evidence that
> > > the animal (with its sad face) was named that after the basset horn?
> > >
> > > I don't know when the breed became popular, or if it is a natural
> > > breed, but somewhere in the back of my empty skull is the story
> > > that the dog was named after the instrument.
> > >
> > > Let me also add, that anyone who has played basset horn at all has
> > > been plagued with the basset hound/basset horn gag. It gets
> > > heavy after 25,000 hearings. And to this I append the following
> > > story.
> > >
> > > When I was 16, my parents bought a store in Suffern, New York.
> > > It is in Rockland County just over the NJ state line. Well,
> > > when anyone would ask where I was from, I would give the name
> > > of the town, and every wag would say, "Suffern? Are you
> > > suffering?" It was very funny, the first 5,000 times, less
> > > funny the next 10,000 times, and after that I stabbed whoever
> > > said it in the eye with a knife. Courts always dismissed
> > > murder charges on me because they said that multiple repetitions
> > > of the same tired joke is valid legal grounds to kill someone.
> > > You could look it up. See NY State vs Leeson, 1943 et al,
> > > mudus hystericus, quam olim abrahae, Vol 34, Page 61, et seq.
> > >
> > > And that experience taught me a valuable lesson in life: verbal
> > > puns that are thought up on an instant's notice, particularly
> > > those built on homonyms or sound-alikes, were probably thought
> > > up by someone a lot earlier than I did. Therefore, if I did
> > > it, I ran the risk of being stabbed in the eye, so I stopped
> > > doing it and found beautiful women attracted to me because of
> > > my brilliant social dialogue that was completely without puns
> > > based on homonyms. Several wealthy women set me up in private
> > > apartments in New York because of my skill at avoiding such
> > > homonymic puns, and not an evening went by without me becoming
> > > sexually exhausted as a result of my knowledge, which I pass
> > > along to all those who continue to use the basset hound joke,
> > > namely that it will run the risk of a reduced sex life and
> > > increase the risk of knife in the eye.
> > >
> > > One of my last jobs before retiring, was to play the Gran
> > > Paritta in Reno. And there was this 98 year old lady
> > > who was there, and she came up to me after the concert and
> > > made fun of my basset horn. So I stabbed her and, due to
> > > the notoriety of the 1943 NY State decision on NY vs. Leeson,
> > > I wasn't even arrested, whereas the body of the 98 year old
> > > lady was left propped up in a casino by a slot machine. She
> > > may still be there, for all I know. And she may even be
> > > winning, but she no longer makes basset horn jokes.
> > >
> > > Signing off the list on Monday morning for a month of
> > > sybaritic pleasures in the fleshpots of Europe. So, insults
> > > following that date will not only not be acknowledged, they
> > > won't even be read.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > =======================================
> > > Dan Leeson, Los Altos, California
> > > Rosanne Leeson, Los Altos, California
> > > leeson@-----.edu
> > > =======================================
> > >
> >
> =======================================
> Dan Leeson, Los Altos, California
> Rosanne Leeson, Los Altos, California
> leeson@-----.edu
> =======================================
>