Klarinet Archive - Posting 000782.txt from 1997/02
From: GREG BAKER <bakerg01@-----.EDU>
Subj: Final from Hell (fwd)
Date: Sun, 23 Feb 1997 13:16:11 -0500
Since it's finals week around here, I just thought I'd share something I
got from my girlfriend. It's not really related to clarinet playing, but
it's funny anyway. Enjoy!
Greg Baker
bakerg01@-----.edu
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sun, 23 Feb 1997 11:11:30 -0600 (CST)
From: Cathy Constable <constc01@-----.EDU>
Subject: Final from Hell (fwd)
FINAL EXAMINATION
Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions.
Time Limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately.
1) HISTORY--Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the
present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its
social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on
Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.
2) MEDICINE--You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze,
and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your
work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes for this part of the test.
3) PUBLIC SPEAKING--Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming
the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except
Latin or Greek.
4) BIOLOGY--Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human
culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier,
with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary
system. Prove your thesis.
5) MUSIC--Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute
and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
6) PSYCHOLOGY--Based on your degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate
the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations
of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory
of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each
man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to
translate.
7) SOCIOLOGY--Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany
the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
8) MANAGEMENT SCIENCE--Define management. Define science. How do they
relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial
decisions, assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal
to activate your algorithm; design the communications interface and
all necessary control programs.
9) ENGINEERING--The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been
placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual,
printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted
to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared
to justify your decision.
10) ECONOMICS--Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.
Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism,
the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method
for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible
points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as
demonstrated in your answer to the last question.
11) POLITICAL SCIENCE--There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start
World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.
12) EPISTEMOLOGY--Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of
your position.
13) PHYSICS--Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation
of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.
14) PHILOSOPHY--Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its
significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.
15) GENERAL KNOWLEDGE--Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
**EXTRA CREDIT**--Define the universe; give three examples.
