Klarinet Archive - Posting 000678.txt from 1996/12

From: Sherri Hill <sheba@-----.NET>
Subj: (Fwd) Fwd: A real Knee Slapper
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 1996 14:38:58 -0500

Okay everyone:

I know this may be an old joke, but.... what the heck.....
Happy New Year everyone !!!!

------- Forwarded Message Follows -------

From: DragonTear Humor List, INTERNET:aaron@-----.net
DATE: 12/1/96 1:15 PM

RE: A real Knee Slapper

From: Don Rose <donrose@-----.net>

A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth
under the baton of Milton Katims...

At this point, you must understand two things:
(1) There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't
have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page in the
score(that's a pile of music sheets conductor is looking at when conducting)

(2) There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400 right across the street from
the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local
musicians.

It had been decided that during this performance, after the bass players
had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth,
they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage rather
than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes.

Well, once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the
street and quaff a few brews. After they had
downed the first couple rounds, one said, "Shouldn't we be getting back?
It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late."

Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursion in the first place,
replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little
more time, so I tied a string around the last pages of the conductor's
score. When he gets down to there, Milton's going to
have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and
fumbles with the string with the other."

So they had another round and finally returned to the Opera House, a little
tipsy by now. However, as they came back on
stage, one look at their conductor's face told them they were in serious
trouble.

Katims was furious! And why not? After all...

It was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the basses were
loaded.

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-Sherri (Sheba@-----.net)
This is the sig for December 30, 1996; Day 365 of 366
If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of
sorrow.
- Chinese Proverb
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What time is it at the North Pole?
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
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