Klarinet Archive - Posting 000442.txt from 1996/10

From: Claudia Zornow <claudia@-----.COM>
Subj: Unusual gig
Date: Thu, 17 Oct 1996 22:31:41 -0400

This is a story that a friend passed along from the trumpet list.
It doesn't really have relevance to the clarinet, but it's funny
and it's about music, so I figured it would do.

Claudia

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From: RobinsonP@-----.com
Date: Wed, 16 Oct 1996 11:04:41 -0400
Subject: Re: Most unusual gig? (kinda long)

I've had several weird gigs, but the strangest happened while I was a student
at Oberlin. One year, the administration decided that it would be a good idea
to bring in Sergei Kurjokin (Russian pianist and performance artist,
hereafter referred to as "S. K.") to do a concert. Most of us thought it was
a good idea. The plan was for him to work with the students, faculty, staff,
and locals and create a "musical spectacle". The use of that term should have
been the tip-off that this was _not_ a good idea.

About halfway through the week of rehearsals, the Assistant Dean of the
Conservatory approached me to ask if the pep band I was co-leader of would be
willing to play. The official name of the group was The Oberlin Historically
Informed Non-Marching Pep Band. Basically we were a bunch of brass majors who
wanted to get in to the football games for free and mock our pathetic team,
(except for the second string kicker, who was a friend of ours) and harass
the "Spirit Squad" (who insisted that they were "not cheerleaders, dammit",
yet when asked what their function was, they responded with "We lead cheers."
I think they wanted to get in free, too. But I digress...) Anyway, back to
the gig.

I was told that all we would have to do in the concert would be sit on stage
and play typical pep band tunes when S. K. cued us. I figured that even a
bunch of brass players could do that, so I agreed. Since our part in the
concert didn't have anything to do with anyone else, we were told we didn't
have to show up until the final rehearsal. Even better.

Well, the final rehearsal rolls around, and we are all standing around
waiting to be told what to do. S. K. comes over to us and says that he wants
us to march in and outof the hall at random times for the duration of the
program. Bear in mind our official name. I told him that we don't march.
Apparently some assistant dean had lead him to believe that we did. It was at
this point that we discovered that S. K. is a spoiled brat. He yelled at us
and threatened to cancel the concert if we didn't do what he wanted. That was
fine with us. We weren't getting anything out of it, except aggrevation. So
we left. About 5 minuted later, a certain assistant dean tracked us down and
started begging us to come back. "We don't march," we said. "You won't have
to," he promised. Fine. We went back, and were promptly told by S. K. that we
would only be marching through the hall once. We said "We don't march." He
cancelled the concert.

About 20 minutes later, the assistant dean found me again and begged and
pleaded with us to please return and do what S. K. wanted. He promised us all
sorts of things in return. Anything that would allow the show to go on. We
finally agreed, but we would only march through the hall once, and we got to
decide what we would play. That seemed to appease all involved. The dress
rehearsal was rescheduled. We did our thing and left, only a little annoyed.

Well, the concert rolled around the next day, and we were in our places
outside the hall, waiting for our cue. And waited... And waited... Until
finally we fed up with waiting for our cue. I went in to find the stage
manager and find out how much longer this was going to go on. I opened the
door and heard the most unbearable noise coming from the stage. I peeked
through the peep hole from backstage, and in addition to the odd assortment
of instruments I had expected, there were two guys in hardhats with
jackhammers beating the crap out of a large steel plate! There were also guys
with other various power tools. I found the stage manager, and when I asked
him how soon we would be going on his response was, "Take a look around. I
don't think it really matters." I went back out and got the rest of the band,
and we marched in playing the theme from "Looney Tunes" cartoons, and
proceeded to march around the hall once and right back out the door. As we
were packing up our stuff, a truck pulled up and started unloading sheep and
pigs. This seemed odd to us, so I asked the driver what was going on. "Some
crazy Russian guy threatened to cancel a concert if he couldn't have
livestock onstage with him."

Proof that truth is often stranger than fiction.

- -Robin

robinsonp@-----.com

Robinson Pyle
11 Holworthy Place
Cambridge, MA 02138-4509

617-876-9711

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