Klarinet Archive - Posting 000176.txt from 1996/08

From: "Scott D. Morrow" <SDM@-----.EDU>
Subj: Re: Neckstraps
Date: Wed, 7 Aug 1996 10:12:11 -0400

>On Tue, 6 Aug 1996 18:49:08 +0000 Elizabeth Lim
><ejlim@-----.AU> writes:
>>A student of mine recently was convinced (by a salesperson...) to buy
>>a
>>neckstrap for their clarinet. Despite my discouraging the use of
>>this,
>>my student's parents aren't convinced about the reasons against using
>>a
>>neckstrap. The parents have cited the sorts of health complaints
>>suffered by musicians and seem to think the use of a neckstrap can be
>>preventative...
>
>Jeezus Christ... a salesperson can convince anyone to buy ANYTHING... :(
>
>
>I have been playing the clarinet for almost eight years, without a
>neckstrap, and I recently got a nice new wood Yamaha clarinet, which, of
>course, is heavier than a plastic...
>
>Obviously your student's parents aren't musicians... what kind of
>"health complaints" have they cited?
>
>Is the kid weak at holding up his instrument, or what? I suggest that a
>thumbrest (if he/she doesn't have one already) would be much more
>practical.
>
>Baffled,
>
>Marylou Verano
>savorygrrl@-----.com

Actually, I think the salesperson was not doing his job! What the student
REALLY needed was...

THE STATE-OF-THE-ART ULTRA-DELUXE WOODWIND SUPPORT SYSTEM!!!!!

This indispensable top of the line module replaces its outdated
predecessor (the thumbrest), offering many new features. Built of sturdy
anodized aluminum tubing, the support unit attaches directly to the
clarinet (docking module required). Sixteen computer-controlled swivel
joints (computer extra) automatically adjust the instrument to the most
ergonomically efficient angle, using sonar-based depth analysis. The 23
infrared motion-detecting sensors send information to the central processor
during use to make instant changes in the instrument's position should the
instrumentalist move. The optional "Orch-guess-tra" module will actually
predict the performer's next move, as it automatically compiles a database
of the instrumentalist's motions while playing. The entire 156lb unit sits
on a sturdy 4ft x 2.5ft fiberglass base with three computer-controlled
wheels, which allows the unit to follow the instrumentalist around the
stage. The optional "Magic-Fingers" module can be used to actually play
the instrument itself, allowing the instrumentalist to concentrate on
breath control. For further playing comfort, the "Wind-Bag" module allows
the performer to just sit on a comfortable chair during the performance and
rest, thus avoiding the ailments associated with playing dangerous wind
instruments. The "Wind-Bag" module features a tone-dial, with settings for
"dark", "light", "bright", and "Benny".
The Woodwind Support System is more than just an accessory: it is
a must for all SERIOUS wind players.

Available at most music stores and auto dealerships.
Total system price: $63,321.78 (reed not included).

Scott D. Morrow
Department of Biochemistry
School of Hygiene and Public Health
Johns Hopkins University
(410)-955-3631

SDM@-----.edu