Klarinet Archive - Posting 000363.txt from 1996/06

From: Laurence Liberson <hardreed@-----.COM>
Subj: Re: Larry Liberson's cake recipe
Date: Sun, 23 Jun 1996 15:14:39 -0400

On Sat, 22 Jun 1996 21:55:29 EDT, Dan LEESON! wrote:

> Liberson. Liberson. Liberson. Liberson. Liberson. Liberson.
>
> Notice how carefully I spell it? Notice the control? Notice
> how all the letters wound up in the right place and in the right
> order, to say nothing of the right letters?
>
> My name is Leeson, Leeson, Leeson, Leeson, Leeson and not Lesson,
> you putz!! You probably play on Rico number 2 reeds and use
> a Beuscher metal clarinet with the DSO. No wonder the conductor
> says you have a thin, wailing sound.
>
> Now down to business. Your cake has been responsible for the reviving
> of a joke. When I read your recipe, my heart fell. Not that it does
> not look delicious, it does. And to hell with the four basic food
> groups of fat, candy, colesterol, and peanut butter.
>
> The problem I have is that my wife is lactose intolerant and that
> cake would cause two weeks of continuous throwing up.
>
> So as I read the recipe I kept saying, "Well I won't use sour cream,
> I'll use sour cream substitute," etc., etc., etc. And that is how
> the joke arose. It was after I had decided to make your cake with
> about 12 substitutes that I decided that the joke was applicable to
> the situation.
>
> Two Russians were speaking about foods and one said that he had
> heard that the Tsar (ptew!) ate blini 4 times a week, that is how much
> he loved them.
>
> So one of the two suggested that they make blini and try them since
> neither had ever eaten them. It was a food for the rich.
>
> "How shall we do that," said the second.
>
> "Easy. I have an aunt who has a recipe for blini and we shall
> make it following her directions," said the first.
>
> So they went to the aunt and got the recipe which began:
>
> 2 cups of the finest heavy cream
>
> "We ain't got not cream," said the first.
>
> "Use water instead," said the second. "Continue reading."
>
> 5 cups of the finest hand ground white flour, sifted
>
> "We ain't got flour," said the first.
>
> "Use sawdust instead," said the second.
>
> 6 large eggs candled with care
>
> "We ain't got eggs," said the first.
>
> "Use glue," said the second.
>
> And in this way they made the blini, all with constant substitution
> (as I forsee in your cake). Finally, when they had the first blini
> made, each took a taste.
>
> "Ptui," they both said in unison. "I don't see what the Tsar sees
> in blini!"
>
> And when I make your cake my wife will say, "I don't see how Liberson
> could have won second prize with this mess."
>
> Do you think diet chocolate pudding will be a satisfactory substitute
> for the powdered chocolate? Be frank, Larry.
>
> Remember: Liberson, Liberson, Liberson, Liberson, Leebohrzohn!
>
>
> ====================================
> Dan Leeson, Los Altos, California
> (leeson@-----.edu)
> ====================================
>

Please, please, Dan, please accept my most humble and heartfelt
apologies...but in my own paltry defense, I might add that I
wrote my correspondence at an ungodly early hour of Satuday morning
after being suddenly and scarily awakened by a particularly
frightening nightmare about one of my clarinet students (therefore,
'Lesson'! You don't buy it? Hmmm....)

As for my equipment, I definitely do not 'putz' the famed Rico #2
reed on anything other than the Buffet clarinets I found one
afternoon at the local Kmart, hidden in an old box behind the closet
organizers. Anyway, that information vital to clarinet mavens
everywhere is also to be found in the very same article in "The
Clarinet" which blabbed about the chocolate cake. In the future,
please do the necessary research, will ya', Dan?

Now...I have only been so bold as to substitute non-fat sour cream
and non-fat cream cheese for the cake and frosting recipes
respectively. Plain to say, this is not a chocolate cake for
sissies....therefore, I can't predict or be held responsible for
substitutions or improvisations (but if anything should work, let me
know, OK?).

Oh yeah...one more thing, Dan: Many years ago, my grandfather told
me that the supposed "original" spelling of my surname was
LIEBERZOHN, so you were not too far off the mark (which is my middle
name!)...so much for today's leeson...uhhh, lesson.

Larry Liberson
Detroit Symphony Orchestra
hardreed@-----.com