Klarinet Archive - Posting 000356.txt from 1996/06

From: "Dan Leeson: LEESON@-----.EDU>
Subj: Larry Liberson's cake recipe
Date: Sat, 22 Jun 1996 21:55:29 -0400

Liberson. Liberson. Liberson. Liberson. Liberson. Liberson.

Notice how carefully I spell it? Notice the control? Notice
how all the letters wound up in the right place and in the right
order, to say nothing of the right letters?

My name is Leeson, Leeson, Leeson, Leeson, Leeson and not Lesson,
you putz!! You probably play on Rico number 2 reeds and use
a Beuscher metal clarinet with the DSO. No wonder the conductor
says you have a thin, wailing sound.

Now down to business. Your cake has been responsible for the reviving
of a joke. When I read your recipe, my heart fell. Not that it does
not look delicious, it does. And to hell with the four basic food
groups of fat, candy, colesterol, and peanut butter.

The problem I have is that my wife is lactose intolerant and that
cake would cause two weeks of continuous throwing up.

So as I read the recipe I kept saying, "Well I won't use sour cream,
I'll use sour cream substitute," etc., etc., etc. And that is how
the joke arose. It was after I had decided to make your cake with
about 12 substitutes that I decided that the joke was applicable to
the situation.

Two Russians were speaking about foods and one said that he had
heard that the Tsar (ptew!) ate blini 4 times a week, that is how much
he loved them.

So one of the two suggested that they make blini and try them since
neither had ever eaten them. It was a food for the rich.

"How shall we do that," said the second.

"Easy. I have an aunt who has a recipe for blini and we shall
make it following her directions," said the first.

So they went to the aunt and got the recipe which began:

2 cups of the finest heavy cream

"We ain't got not cream," said the first.

"Use water instead," said the second. "Continue reading."

5 cups of the finest hand ground white flour, sifted

"We ain't got flour," said the first.

"Use sawdust instead," said the second.

6 large eggs candled with care

"We ain't got eggs," said the first.

"Use glue," said the second.

And in this way they made the blini, all with constant substitution
(as I forsee in your cake). Finally, when they had the first blini
made, each took a taste.

"Ptui," they both said in unison. "I don't see what the Tsar sees
in blini!"

And when I make your cake my wife will say, "I don't see how Liberson
could have won second prize with this mess."

Do you think diet chocolate pudding will be a satisfactory substitute
for the powdered chocolate? Be frank, Larry.

Remember: Liberson, Liberson, Liberson, Liberson, Leebohrzohn!

====================================
Dan Leeson, Los Altos, California
(leeson@-----.edu)
====================================