Klarinet Archive - Posting 000291.txt from 1996/06

From: "Scott D. Morrow" <SDM@-----.EDU>
Subj: Re: Instrumentation concerns
Date: Wed, 19 Jun 1996 11:04:09 -0400

>2. Trying to put students on instruments they are suited for. We give an
>aptitude test to check to see if a student has a good sense of pitch for
>instruments like oboe, french horn and a school tuba. It also isn't to any
>one's advantage to put a kid on percussion that has little sense of rhythm.
>By using the testing process, knowing what kind of student you have,
>checking physical characteristics, taking the students choice into
>consideration, and last balanced instrumentation. The student will be more
>happy then letting them automatically play what the had as a first choice.
>Why?? They will be successful.
>
>Mike Moors

Perhaps what we need is a more brutal test!
I (you knew this was coming...) propose the following:

1) Lock each student into a suitably unventilated (i.e. "standard")
practice room.
2) Strap student to suitably uncomfortable (i.e. "standard") band-room chair.
3) Using no less than 10 feet of duct tape, attach headphones to student's head.
4) Subject student to twelve hours of music featuring the first-choice
instrument.
5) If student starts to doze off, apply mild electrical shock through
chair to keep awake.
6) Have student fill in a new form with instrument preferences.
7) If the first-choice instrument remains the same, let the student learn
that instrument.
8) If the first-choice instrument has changed, repeat process.

Note: Beware of students who return over and over again: these are true
masochists! Do NOT teach them how to play ANY instrument. Instead, hand
them a baton and teach them how to conduct!

-Scott

Scott D. Morrow
Department of Biochemistry
School of Hygiene and Public Health
Johns Hopkins University
(410)-955-3631

SDM@-----.edu