Klarinet Archive - Posting 000313.txt from 1996/05

From: "Scott D. Morrow" <SDM@-----.EDU>
Subj: NPR's"Guide":-)
Date: Tue, 14 May 1996 10:19:12 -0400

Driving home from the "Pizza Run" last night, I heard a hilarious
("an hilarious", for our British friends...) piece on National Public
Radio: an "update" on Britten's "A Child's Guide to the Orchestra". (If
anyone on the list has a better memory than I, please feel free to jump in
here - I was laughing too much to get it all!)
"Part I" was an overview ("The conductor is really just there to
keep the winds, strings, brass, and percussion there, because each would
rather eat Velveeta than be in the same room with any of the others...and
musicians, you know, are very particular about their food!") and covered
the winds. ("Clarinetists have IQs in the low genious range, which doesn't
really matter, because the clarinet is the easiest instrument to play. They
are all nerds with coke-bottle glasses .... clarinets come in all shapes
and sizes; nobody knows why!"). This was actually "nice" compared to the
treatment other instruments received! ("Flutist are oversexed and underfed;
they will sleep with anybody, male or female, it doesn't matter",
"Bassoonists like to think that they play the most complicated instrument
in the orchestra, but since each piece only requires two notes, they really
usually only play three notes in an evening", "Percussionists are always
male or close enough; they look great in concert attire, but have horrible
table manners", etc.
I hope some of you were able to catch it, or will be so "warned"
should it ever be aired again!

Got to go colour-code the keys on my clarinet, now, so I'll know which
fingers go where!

-Scott

Scott D. Morrow
Department of Biochemistry
School of Hygiene and Public Health
Johns Hopkins University
(410)-955-3631

SDM@-----.edu

   
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