Klarinet Archive - Posting 000548.txt from 1995/12

From: "Scott D. Morrow" <SDM@-----.EDU>
Subj: Humourless Alternative to Klarinet :-)
Date: Wed, 20 Dec 1995 15:07:38 -0500

For those of you who are SICK AND TIRED of HUMOUR on this server - DO NOT
DESPAIR!
HELP IS ON THE WAY!

Announcing.....
THE DRY AS DUST CLARINET DISCUSSION LISTSERVER!

No more jokes...
No more attempts at humour...
No more conversation or free exchange of ideas...

Just INFORMATION...
INFORMATION...
INFORMATION...!

The rules are VERY SIMPLE: NOBODY posts queries or comments! EVERYONE
just sits and waits for the DEFINITIVE ANSWER to any question they might
have! Only ONE posting will be made EACH WEEK by the listserver owner, so
as NOT TO WASTE ANYONE'S VALUABLE TIME!

Here is an example of the VALUABLE INFORMATION you can expect from THE DRY
AS DUST CLARINET DISCUSSION LISTSERVER:

REEDS: You should ALL be using Vandoren V-12 #3.
INSTRUMENTS: EVERYONE should be playing a Buffett R-13.
INSTRUMENT AGE: ALL of your instruments were manufactured in 1936.
FLAVOURED REEDS: You should ALL be using grape.
MAINTENANCE: Your problem is the thigamajig on the doohickey. It CANNOT
BE FIXED. Buy another Buffet R-13.
RECORDINGS: The recording with Benny Goodman is the DEFINITVE RECORDING
(it doesn't matter what piece).

AND NOT MUCH MORE!!!!

To subscribe:
1) Scowl
2) Raise your right hand
3) Repeat after me:
4) "I will not tolerate humour of any sort."
5) (your turn)
6) "I will believe everything I hear on the THE DRY AS DUST CLARINET
DISCUSSION Listserver and accept it as the DEFINITIVE ANSWER."
7) (your turn)
8) "I will not have time to read anything I see on THE DRY AS DUST CLARINET
DISCUSSION Listserver, so what's the point?"
9) (your turn)
10) You may put your hand down now.
11) (You weren't supposed to repeat that - just do it!)

DON'T DELAY!
A WHOLE NEW (BORING) WORLD AWAITS YOU!

Scott D. Morrow
(410)-955-3631

SDM@-----.edu