Klarinet Archive - Posting 000032.txt from 1995/06

From: Jennifer Adams <jadams@-----.AU>
Subj: Re: Stupid stories
Date: Sat, 3 Jun 1995 01:03:18 -0400

Ok Mr Lacey, You asked for it.
One of my favourite stupid stories involves a brass band (don't they all)
Anyway, this band had been allocated a grant from their shire council and
they decided to buy an entire set of new instruments.( One can only assume
that this was a wealthy shire.)
So the band bought a new compliment of Yamaha brass band instruments and
were quite happy untill I came along.
I made the mistake of asking this group to tune and first cornet said in
all seriousness "But they do that in the factory!"
Another band I worked with always tuned Bbs to first cornet and Ebs to
first horn. This would be OK if first cornet and first horn had tuned to
each other.
But no! Each member of the band would arrive, run a few litres of tap
water through their horn and head straight for the bar-fridge.
A revenge story involves loosening the much advertised whizz-band
solderless seal on Selmer saxes. With a little effort they can be
loosened just enough to make first alto's solo undergo spontaneous
transposition. About a major second when the bell drops off. If it falls
off slowly, you get a nice glissando.
Cheers, Iffa Jane.
jadams@-----.au