Klarinet Archive - Posting 000388.txt from 1995/04
From: Christopher G Zello <czello@-----.EDU>
Subj: New joke
Date: Sat, 22 Apr 1995 18:00:29 -0400
I don't know the origin of the following, but this is something I just
received from a friend of mine, Barry Benjamin (horn player). Hope you
enjoy it, but excuse the lacks of PC-ness at times.
Just when you thought you were done with math forever. . .
1. Wilson is tired of paying for clarinet reeds. If he adopts a policy
of playing only on rejected reeds his colleagues will he be able to
retire on the money he has saved if he invests it in mutual bonds,
yielding 8.7%, before he is fired from his job? If not, calculate the
probability of him working in a professional symphony orchestra again!
2. Jethro has been playing the double bass in a symphony orchestra for
12 years, three months and seven days. Each day, his inclination to
practice decreases by the equation: (total days in the orchestra) x
0.0076. Assuming he stopped practicing altogher four years, six months
and three days ago, how long will it be before he is completely unable to
play the double bass?
3. Wilma plays in the second violin section, but specializes in making
disparaging remarks about conductors and other musicians. The
probability of her making a negative comment about any given musician is
4 chances in 7, and for conductors is 16 chances out of 17. If there are
103 musicians in the orchestra and the orchestra sees 26 different
conductors each year, how many negative remarks does Wilma make in a
two-year period? How does this change if five of the musicians are also
conductors? What if six of the conductors are also musicians?
4. Horace is the General Manager of an important symphony orchestra. He
tries to hear at least four concerts a year. Assuming that at each
concert the orchestra plays a minimum of three pieces per concert, what
are the chances that Horace can avoid hearing a single work by Mozart,
Beethoven, or Brahms in the next ten years?
5. Betty plays in the viola section. Despite her best efforts she is
unable to play with the rest of the orchestra and, on average, plays
0.3528 seconds behind the rest of the viola section, which is already
0.16485 seconds behind the rest of the orchestra. If the orchestra is
moving into a new concert hall with a reverberation time of 2.7 seconds,
will she be able to continue playing this way undetected?
6. Ralph loves to drink coffee. Each week he drinks three more cups of
coffee than Harold, who drinks eactly one third the amount that the
entire brass section consumes in beer. How much longer is Ralph going to
live?
7. Rosemary is unable to play in keys with more than three sharps or
flats without making an inordinate number of mistakes. Because her
colleagues in the cello section are also struggling in these passages she
has so far been able to escape detection. What is the total number of
hours they would all have to practice to play the complete works of
Richard Strauss?
Aside:
Does anyone have that exam which was administered by a 5th grade math
teacher in Chicago last year involving "real life" situation which they
could mail or FAX me? If you have it, you will know what I am talking
about. . .
Christopher Zello
czello@-----.edu
FAX 414-963-4701
