Klarinet Archive - Posting 000159.txt from 1994/07

From: "Dan Leeson: LEESON@-----.EDU>
Subj: If Mozart had had such-and-such
Date: Fri, 22 Jul 1994 11:50:21 -0400

Roger Shilcock properly brings up the plethora of arguments that begin
with the phrase "If Mozart had had such-and-such, he would have used one."

That anything used for the phrase "such-and-such" presents a preposterous
argument is rarely seen until the absurd is used. For example, "If Mozart
had had a contrabassoon, he would have used one" sounds like a very sound
argument. But if one counters by saying "If Mozart had had a tenor sax he
would have used one" makes one throw up.

The problem lies in the fact that the speaker is not saying what he or she is
saying. The statement is not "If Mozart had had ... he would have used one."
That is a ruse. The statement is really "I like ... and therefore it is almost
certainly true that Mozart would have liked ... too. So I shall say that
and carry the day."

Another glorious thing about this bankrupt statement is that it permits us to
sign Mozart's name to our speculations. And while someone runs around
looking for counter evidence, the sayer gets out of town on the fastest
horse in the territory.

Such a statement is roughly on the same level of the often quoted "Mozart
would never have done ...", which is then followed by a list of things that
the speaker thinks Mozart never did and therefore presumes that Mozart would
have never done them. Examples include, "Mozart would never have written
anything in F-sharp minor." or "Mozart would never have written an oboe
line of that character." or "Mozart would never have doubled the clarinets
with the bassoons in that fashion." (whatever the hell that means).

Bravo Roger. You are I are of like minds on this. If Mozart had had
people like us around, he never would have done half the things he never
did and people would not make up scholarship by shooting from the hip!
(This last sentence is syntactically and historically indecipherable and
may qualify for the Bulwer-Lytton aware of trite statements.)

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Dan Leeson, Los Altos, California
(leeson@-----.edu)
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