Klarinet Archive - Posting 000144.txt from 1994/02

From: "Jay Heiser, Product Manager, Govt Systems" <jayh@-----.COM>
Subj: Re: Older clarinets (the restoration stories from several months
Date: Sat, 12 Feb 1994 22:21:04 -0500

-->One thing's for sure, though, and that is that repeated swabbing -- which
-->keeps the bore looking like a skeet gun -- removes material from the
-->surface of the bore and thereby changes its dimensions. It's quite
-->possible that this effect is adequate to explain the entire problem. I've
-->got a few other suspicions which I'll enumerate if the subject turns out
-->to be a "hot" one. As a laboratory exercise I may end up seeing what I can
-->do about restoring my trusty old R13 #49241. Whatever has caused it to
-->tire hasn't been helped by the standard battery of commercial overhaul
-->procedures.

Its too bad that guy in NYC isn't available anymore to transmogrify
clarinets.

I have this picture in my mind of a desparate clarinetest
furtively tapping on a door, a tiny window opens in the door and
a Karloffian character peers out, sees the dying instrument and
nods knowingly. Opening the door, he cradles the horn in his
long & spindly arms, gestures to a broken-down old leather chair
where the instrumentalist must wait. Alone.

Entering a huge room filled with cobwebs, the scientist places
the clarinet on a special stand while his gnomelike assistant
clamps it firmly in place with a leather bass clarinet strap.
Then he solemnly grasps a huge knife switch in two hands and
thrusts it shut. Huge sparks fly around the instrument and
smoke rises. We cut to the exterior of the Chrysler building
and watch as terrific bolts of lightning rent the night sky.
Wild and passionate organ music is playing.

Silence.

Dawn.

The repairman returns to the waiting room, exchanging a
clarinet case for five $100 bills.

The gig goes OK tonight.
======================================
Yes, the weather is lousy out here,
don't expect anyone to stay for long.