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Doublereed Archive - Posting 000053.txt from 2005/01
From: Sameer Al-Abdullah <simsim29@-----.com>
Subj: Re: [DR-L] Why do musicians hate themselves??
Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2005 04:46:12 -0500
I might have said this before but I never studied music and was always
taught to play by ear from the age of 5 til high school. During Middle
school our hot tempered Egyptian teacher used to use a thick wooden
stick as to guide us with cues and rhythm counts. Whenever one of us
played something wrong that stick would have been thrown on his face.
When it didn't, that's when we knew we played it all right. We really
paid attention and focused and thank god most of us always got it
right.
Having had developed an amazing ear for music as I'm sure you all did
is without a doubt a gift. Yet, that could be a leathal weapon at the
same time. We can hear notes better than the average person. There
were many times when I played some recordings to friends and told them
to listen to how dramatic those notes were or how amazing the player
executed that piece but all i got was "it's nice but there is nothing
unusual about it!!". Whereas my feelings and senses would go nuts when
i hear something so beautiful.
We are sensitive. Actually I believe musicians are too sensitive and
the average person can not feel things the way we do. And that can be
a problem. It's like having magical powers if you know how to use it
and harness it. If you don't you might end up hurting yourself.
Since regular people can't really notice the obvious mistakes then
just like Judy said, let go of the negative and appreciate the
positive. We are humans and we make mistakes and there is nothign
wrong with that. Learn from your mistakes and improve yourself instead
of hitting your head with a brick!!
When I started my first semester in a junior college in California I
got cold feet and dropped out. I called my parents and cried over the
phone telling them that I had to move back to Kuwait other wise I
would do drugs and kill myself (Always a sucker for Drama!!) And I
did withdraw my scholarship and ended my existance in the US. What
happened to me ( and not many people know about this) was that I
thought I wouldn't be able to understand one word in English and that
I would fail my classes. I dont know why or how but my self esteem was
in the toilet and I thought i was the most stupid person in school. My
English was fine back then yet I thought I was I wouldn't get it.
After 3 months I met two Kuwaitis who went to the same school I went
to in CA. They were not A students and their English was a disaster
(aaah....Me hungry.....I go Burger King!!) yet they were acing their
classes. I thought "What the HELL???". I was an A student and always
aced my English classes in Kuwait. I speak English better than Arabic
and for a non native speaker of English I speak and write very good in
English according to my Amercian and British friends!!
I packed up my stuff and went back to where I left. I had no problem since.
Self doubt and low self esteem can be a disease of the mind and can
consume you. Give yourself a pat on your back. There are people who
can't even play a keyboard!!
sorry for the long email but i love sharing!!
Sameer
On Tue, 11 Jan 2005 09:15:43 +0800, Rhondda May <rmay@-----.com> wrote:
> judy, excellent solution!
> our own forgiveness of our selves is pretty powerful...
>
> rhondda
> On 10 Jan 05, at 11:42 PM, Judy Latz wrote:
>
> > Rhonda,
> >
> > You are exactly right and, as long as we are human, we will be
> > imperfect.
> > Here's what I learned to do many years ago and it is wonderful. When I
> > make a mistake in a performance I immediately forgive myself. At the
> > same
> > time I vow to make the remainder as beautiful as possible. Afterwards
> > I
> > dismiss the mistake(s) and recall the beautiful passages. I learned
> > to do
> > this because I noticed other musicians, after a performance, couldn't
> > accept a compliment because they were remembering their indiscretions,
> > while I was remembering the beautiful passages they played (and,
> > perhaps
> > didn't even notice the indiscretion!). I realized I could apply this
> > to my
> > own self. Most of us seem to dismiss the mistakes of others but can't
> > seem
> > to do the same for our own mistakes, no matter how small. So, after a
> > performance, when you begin to dwell on the missed D#, remind yourself
> > that
> > although you did miss a D#, you played the other 3 or 4-thousand notes
> > correctly! Maybe you missed an entrance -- what about the other 150
> > entrances that were right on cue???? Give yourself credit for all the
> > positive parts of the performance and dismiss the imperfect parts.
> > Mistakes and indiscretions are in the past. No matter how much regret
> > we
> > may feel, we can't go back and change the past, but we can look to the
> > future at the moment of the problem and pledge to make music that is
> > at the
> > top of our level of talent & skill -- and after the performance, recall
> > those beautiful moments that we created!
> >
> > It is not easy to immediately forgive yourself for a mistake in music,
> > but
> > it is a skill that can be learned if practiced over time.
> >
> > Judy Latz
> >
> >> [Original Message]
> >> From: Rhondda May <rmay@-----.com>
> >> To: <doublereed@-----.org>
> >> Date: 1/9/2005 4:52:00 PM
> >> Subject: Re: [DR-L] Why do musicians hate themselves??
> >>
> >> IMHO, this is really an existential problem.
> >>
> >> It's not that we compare ourselves to recordings and find ourselves
> >> wanting, although that may also be the case.
> >>
> >> It's that music is, as a gift from G-d, is so perfect, and by its
> >> nature so ephemeral, and our ability to reproduce or "deliver" it is
> >> by
> >> nature imperfect and human, that when faced with this comparison, we
> >> cannot help but find ourselves lacking.
> >>
> >> On the contrary, I often wonder if/how any musicians remain completely
> >> sane!
> >>
> >> kisses to all, and keep trying-
> >> rhondda
> >>
> >> On 10 Jan 05, at 4:10 AM, Frank Jordan wrote:
> >>
> >>>
> >>> Hi all,
> >>>
> >>> Last night, my roommate (a very talented clarinetist) and I
> >>> participated in a chamber concert for our local Philharmonic,
> >>> performing
> >>> the Richard Strauss Suite in Bb for 13 winds. The group was a
> >>> mixture
> >>> of semi professional and purely amateur performers, and overall went
> >>> very well (certainly one of the high points of the program)
> >>>
> >>> The problem is that, when the concert was over, and we were all in
> >>> the
> >>> reception, my roommate came to me almost in tears telling me he
> >>> ruined
> >>> the whole performance, that he wanted to quit the clarinet, etc.
> >>> Turns
> >>> out his reed was slightly misaligned, and he couldn't get the full
> >>> tone
> >>> he wanted in the first movement. Keep in mind, the conductor,
> >>> members
> >>> of the audience are coming up to us and congratulating us, telling us
> >>> how wonderful the concert was, telling us things they liked about the
> >>> performance. I knew the performance had some glitches, and in my
> >>> college or early "pro" days I would have probably been beating myself
> >>> up
> >>> for the small mistakes ("Oh my God, I can't believe I cracked that A
> >>> in
> >>> the fourth movement! I am worthless!!!"). I was thinking about past
> >>> performances (my roomie and I both are involved in a woodwind quintet
> >>> and gig together a lot) and was shocked to realize I had NEVER heard
> >>> anything positive from him after a performance. He actually shuns
> >>> praise... it makes him feel uncomfortable. In some ways, I
> >>> empathize,
> >>> I
> >>> can be the same way sometimes. But my roommate is the best
> >>> clarinetist
> >>> I have ever known. His old college teacher still keeps a picture of
> >>> him
> >>> in his office, and nine years later tells his students about the
> >>> great
> >>> Matt Hanna, the one that got away (Matt went into computers full
> >>> time,
> >>> partially because he flubbed an audition and couldn't handle it). I
> >>> can
> >>> sometimes be hypercritical myself, in fact, because we were in charge
> >>> of
> >>> recording the concert, we listened to it after we got home last
> >>> night.
> >>> I
> >>> noticed myself dismissing the nice moments and focusing in on the
> >>> parts
> >>> that could have been better, noticing intonation issues, etc.
> >>>
> >>> Why do we do this to ourselves?? Isn't making music supposed to
> >>> be
> >>> a joyful thing? Striving for perfection is a good thing, but at what
> >>> point does it become destructive?
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> I am very worried about my friend. He was still upset hours after
> >>> the
> >>> performance, and is still upset today. I feel his technical problems
> >>> were not very noticeable, other than he was a bit softer and thinner
> >>> in
> >>> tone than I am used to hearing him. Anybody else dealing with this
> >>> problem?
> >>>
> >>> Frank Jordan
> >>> Principal Bassoon
> >>> Foothills Philharmonic
> >>> Papageno Quintet - http://www.papagenoquintet.com - feel free to
> >>> listen to our sound clips!
> >>>
> >>> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >>> For personal help: email doublereed-owner@-----.org
> >>> Doublereed is a service of Woodwind.Org, Inc. http://www.woodwind.org
> >>>
> >>
> >>
> >> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> For personal help: email doublereed-owner@-----.org
> >> Doublereed is a service of Woodwind.Org, Inc. http://www.woodwind.org
> >>
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> > For personal help: email doublereed-owner@-----.org
> > Doublereed is a service of Woodwind.Org, Inc. http://www.woodwind.org
> >
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> For personal help: email doublereed-owner@-----.org
> Doublereed is a service of Woodwind.Org, Inc. http://www.woodwind.org
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>
--
Sameer Al-Abdullah
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