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Doublereed Archive - Posting 000033.txt from 2005/01
From: Rhondda May <rmay@-----.com>
Subj: Re: [DR-L] Why do musicians hate themselves??
Date: Sun, 9 Jan 2005 16:52:54 -0500
IMHO, this is really an existential problem.
It's not that we compare ourselves to recordings and find ourselves
wanting, although that may also be the case.
It's that music is, as a gift from G-d, is so perfect, and by its
nature so ephemeral, and our ability to reproduce or "deliver" it is by
nature imperfect and human, that when faced with this comparison, we
cannot help but find ourselves lacking.
On the contrary, I often wonder if/how any musicians remain completely
sane!
kisses to all, and keep trying-
rhondda
On 10 Jan 05, at 4:10 AM, Frank Jordan wrote:
>
> Hi all,
>
> Last night, my roommate (a very talented clarinetist) and I
> participated in a chamber concert for our local Philharmonic,
> performing
> the Richard Strauss Suite in Bb for 13 winds. The group was a mixture
> of semi professional and purely amateur performers, and overall went
> very well (certainly one of the high points of the program)
>
> The problem is that, when the concert was over, and we were all in
> the
> reception, my roommate came to me almost in tears telling me he ruined
> the whole performance, that he wanted to quit the clarinet, etc. Turns
> out his reed was slightly misaligned, and he couldn't get the full tone
> he wanted in the first movement. Keep in mind, the conductor, members
> of the audience are coming up to us and congratulating us, telling us
> how wonderful the concert was, telling us things they liked about the
> performance. I knew the performance had some glitches, and in my
> college or early "pro" days I would have probably been beating myself
> up
> for the small mistakes ("Oh my God, I can't believe I cracked that A in
> the fourth movement! I am worthless!!!"). I was thinking about past
> performances (my roomie and I both are involved in a woodwind quintet
> and gig together a lot) and was shocked to realize I had NEVER heard
> anything positive from him after a performance. He actually shuns
> praise... it makes him feel uncomfortable. In some ways, I empathize,
> I
> can be the same way sometimes. But my roommate is the best clarinetist
> I have ever known. His old college teacher still keeps a picture of
> him
> in his office, and nine years later tells his students about the great
> Matt Hanna, the one that got away (Matt went into computers full time,
> partially because he flubbed an audition and couldn't handle it). I
> can
> sometimes be hypercritical myself, in fact, because we were in charge
> of
> recording the concert, we listened to it after we got home last night.
> I
> noticed myself dismissing the nice moments and focusing in on the parts
> that could have been better, noticing intonation issues, etc.
>
> Why do we do this to ourselves?? Isn't making music supposed to
> be
> a joyful thing? Striving for perfection is a good thing, but at what
> point does it become destructive?
>
>
> I am very worried about my friend. He was still upset hours after the
> performance, and is still upset today. I feel his technical problems
> were not very noticeable, other than he was a bit softer and thinner in
> tone than I am used to hearing him. Anybody else dealing with this
> problem?
>
> Frank Jordan
> Principal Bassoon
> Foothills Philharmonic
> Papageno Quintet - http://www.papagenoquintet.com - feel free to
> listen to our sound clips!
>
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