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Doublereed Archive - Posting 000058.txt from 2004/12

From: Sameer Al-Abdullah <simsim29@-----.com>
Subj: Re: [DR-L] Favorite Quotes
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 05:45:37 -0500

Jim
I am one of those poeple but I must say I have enjoyed those
quotes..LooL...so funny :)

Happy Holidays

Sameer

On 19 Dec 2004 18:50:38 -0500, James Jeter <jyjeter@-----.com> wrote:
> Since this list seems to get inundated periodically with quotes that
> have nothing to do with our doublereed logistics, thought I'd send some
> favorite quotes, representing the sense of humor I've found in many bassoonist
> friends/colleagues. Perhaps an oboist can also share oboe "humor"on the list.
> Happy Holidaze to All! Jim Jeter
>
> P.S. If you're humor-challenged, please delete immediately!!
>
> > 1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather-- who died
> > peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers
> > in his car."
> > -- Author Unknown
> >
> > 2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you
> > get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
> > "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"
> > --Author Unknown
> >
> > 3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's
> > a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and
> > they meet at the bar."
> > --Drew Carey
> >
> > 4)"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman
> > I don't like and just give her a house,"
> > --Rod Stewart
> >
> > 5)"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
> > desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have
> > fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the
> > wrong house."
> > --Jeff Foxworthy
> >
> > 6) "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis,
> > and only enough blood to run one at a time."
> > --Robin Williams
> >
> > 7) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and
> > saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's
> > life without even considering if there is a man on base."
> > --Dave Barry
> >
> > 8) "What do people mean when they say the computer went
> > down on them?"
> > --Marilyn Pittman
> >
> > 9) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we
> > should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants
> > to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There
> > should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they
> > should have to find you a temp."
> > --Bob Ettinger
> >
> > 10) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone
> > took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
> > 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
> > --Paula Poundstone
> >
> > 11) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have
> > better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
> > authors of that study: "Duh."
> > --Conan O'Brien
> >
> > 12) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm
> > halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....
> > I could be eating a slow learner."
> > --Lynda Montgomery
> >
> > 13) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people
> > in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the
> > poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
> > --Richard Jeni
> >
> > 14) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
> > impersonators would be dead."
> > --Johnny Carson
> >
> > 15) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
> > --Paul Rodriguez
> >
> > 16) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned
> > sixty, and that's the law."
> > --Jerry Seinfeld
> >
> > 17) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case
> > of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from
> > smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall
> > people burn slower?"
> > --Warren Hutcherson
> >
> > 18) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy
> > is the same."
> > --Oscar Wilde
> >
> > 19) "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a
> > member of Congress .. But I repeat myself."
> > --Mark Twain
> >
> > 20) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
> > student. At least they can find Afghanistan!"
> > --A. Whitney Brown
> >
> > 21) "Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to
> > rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
> > --Robin Williams
> >
> 22) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I
> > think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
> > --Roseanne
> >
> > 23) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
> > --Billy Crystal
> >
> > 24) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give
> > you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've
> > thought of that!'"
> > --Dave Barry
> >
> > 25) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease"
> > was taken.
> >
> > --Unknown, presumed deceased
> >
> >
> >
> --
> James Jeter, D.M.A.
> NYC Bassoonist
> http://www.westfieldnj.com/wso/jeter.htm
>
> "Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that
> you do it." Mahatma Gandhi
> "Mach' es kurz! Am Juengsten Tag ist's nur ein Furz!" Goethe
>
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>

--
Sameer Al-Abdullah

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