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Doublereed Archive - Posting 000033.txt from 2004/05

From: Jennifer I.Paull <info@-----.com>
Subj: [DR-L] Cabbages
Date: Mon, 17 May 2004 04:01:51 -0400


On Monday, May 17, 2004, at 09:31 am, Matthew Peaceman wrote:

> Jennifer,
>
> HOW does one neuter bagpipes??????????????? :-D
>
> Matthew
>
>

The same way one mounted my piano to my music studio
inside the pinnacle of the roof of my 200 year old house
(without elevator and 4 flights of stairs, the last of which
curves).

WITH DIFFICULTY :-)

In the case of the bombard, and because the list is as dead
as a door nail, I revive the magic words of Dr Cabbage to
inspire us all.

Jennifer

THE OPHICLEIDE

The Ophicleide, like mortal sin,
Was fostered by the serpent.
Its pitch was vague; its tone was dim;
Its timbre, rude and burpant.

Composers, in a secret vote,
Declared its sound non grata;
And that's why Wagner never wrote
An Ophicleide Sonata.

Thus spurned, it soon became defunct,
To gross neglect succumbing;
A few were pawned, but most were junked
Or used for indoor plumbing.

And so this ill wind, badly blown,
Has now completely vanished:
I nominate the saxophone
To be the next one banished.

Farewell, offensive Ophicleide,
Your epitaph is chiseled:
"I died of ophicleidicide:
I tried, alas, but fizzled!"

http://home.pacbell.net/wa2msu/image1.JPG

I do apologise to Arthur, having let my whimsy
gain the better of me and substituting "Heckelphone"
for "saxophone" once upon a previous occasion.

I love the instrument not and occasionally have a
lapsus of sanity in such serious double reed territory.
I mean no ill and am quite harmless to Heckel
and Co although the reverse can give me indigestion
relatively easily.

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